Saturday, December 17, 2011

so now I'm worried about the giant Chinese pirate babies

I have a big head.

And while it is important for authors to have a healthy dose of self-esteem, pride in their work and just a wee bit of arrogance - because SO MANY MORONS WILL DIS YOUR BOOK WHICH IS ACTUALLY TOTALLY AMAZING - this post is about the dimensions of my skull.

So large. Lady hats don't fit me. I'm serious. Bring on the tape measure. Bring on the phrenologists!

Anyhoo, it's cold these nights and I've been looking for an un-pom-pommed knit hat to hang onto some of that heat. You know, like "...ma in her kerchief and I in my cap..." Without the ma. They say you lose a lot of body heat off the top of your head. Even more so with an enormous cranium like mine. (It's actually good it's so big, because I need the room - there's a LOT going on in there)

So, I'm in Whole Foods
(sidebar: Whole Foods = lesbo magnet? Discuss.) and I see the perfect hat.

It's from http://www.sandiegohat.com/. Hey, I'm from San Diego.


I duck behind a display of way overpriced, and yet oddly NOT gluten-free, Whole Foods food, and try the hat on - it fits!

I buy it. I take it home. I read the label. It says it's for children, ages 2-4.

BUT IT FITS MY GIANT ADULT HEAD!!! My stars, what 2-4 year old child has a head as big as mine?

Disturbing.

It's made in China.

So now I'm all worried about the giant Chinese pirate babies.

[pause to worry some more]

I could be a pirate... I think my parents wanted me to have that option. My middle initial is R, after all. A. R. Briant. ARRRRRRRRR Briant.


Pleased to meet you. (and I still love the hat)

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